Another masterpiece from David Deida's book "Dear lover". The chapter 25.
From this chapter we can easily understand what is a fearless being, whether it is a woman or a man. And likewise what is a fearful being, a being that is tensed and deeply attached to a shallow meat suit.
We can say this "3rd stage being" can also be a being that has deep samadhi and lives and dies each moment through the fundamental reality. Knowing death in life and life in death, makes this being able to see beyond this dancing duality. Melting through this duality we can live through our deepest purpose as men and through our deepest love as women. Men with deepest purpose have unbrideled integrity, love, honor and live with death manifesting wisdom. Women living through the deepest love have fearless stable compassion and but also live with death knowing wisdom.
Death means unclinging from the meat suit, from the cardboard personality you think you are, unclinging from a certain reality. Death means dying as an illusion, and being revived as a whole fearless presence. Death means life flowing endlessly, purpose manifesting.
The problem with any relationships today is that they no longer co-exist with death, flowing freely. Relationships that reject death, will know death by force, as a rule of reality.
The quote is a little bit long but it's worth your time.
years of your life as your heart's yearning grows deeper. You also fluctuate between these
stages, moment by moment.
In a 1st stage moment, you want your body to be adored. "Notice me, and make me feel
In a 2nd stage moment, you want to be physically attractive, but you also want your opinions and career to be valued. "I am a successful and intelligent woman. Listen to me, and value who I am as a whole person."
In a 3rd stage moment, you are ready to be worshiped as you are, as the light of love that
lives as all life's power. "I am light. Take me, if you dare."
You are not just a body to be entered or a mind to be shared. You are the very light of life, alive as the love that yearns to open at the heart of all beings."
Before you and I learned to love so deeply, sometimes you would come home from work and seem particularly tense. When I wondered why, you would tell me that all day you had felt the "psychic sexual grabs" of men, and so you had to armor yourself. Your body had to shield itself, and I was feeling the residue of tension in your muscles and the protective closure around your heart.
Now that you and I can open each other so fully in our loving, you no longer suffer in the same way. You know how to keep your heart open, your body relaxed, and your energy unavailable for exploitation at work and in public. Some of your friends still engage in "subtle sex" or flirting, and you understand their need. They want to exchange a little sexual energy with others, but not go all the way. So they practice halfway sexual
Through our full practice of loving open to God, you and I have now grown beyond the need to indulge in the random sexual barrage that takes place between strangers and even friends. You don't need to armor yourself against the "attack" of men's attention, because you are so full of love's energy you scare them away or evoke their respect. Most of your day, at work and in public, you have learned how to keep your heart's yearning open to God and your body's energy flowing full.
Now, when you and I come together, we may take a few moments to relax into our deepest hearts and practice feeling into each other's deepest yearning, but no armoring prevents our connection. After a few moments of breathing together, looking into each other's eyes, and feeling each other's hearts, our bodies are free to merge as deeply as we desire.
Neither of us carries the protective armoring that we maintained before learning to
breathe and feel the hearts of everyone, offering our entire lives from the openness of ourdeepest yearning, for the sake of all beings."
"For now, imagine you are in a 3rd stage committed relationship with a man; the same
principles apply whether you are in a relationship or not. You know your feminine energy is very powerful; you could attract a man to do anything, if you wanted to. So, as a 3rd stage woman, you wield this power from your deepest heart, for the sake of all beings.
For instance, when you dress and put on make-up and jewelry before going to work, you
dress knowing that you are adorning your feminine radiance, joyously magnifying the gift of your love's light--but also you feel the effect you will have on others. You know yourself as a gift of love's light, an irresistible force of attraction. Your very form, the feminine shape of your body, the way you move and speak, can affect men so strongly they can fantasize about you for days.
Is this what you want? Feel what would be best for others in every situation, at home, at a
party, or at work. You probably enjoy adorning your radiance. But feeling beyond your own enjoyment, whom would it serve if you were to attract someone's sexual attention, and when is it appropriate?
When your heart is fully claimed by divine love, you have no personal neediness to be seen.
Your body is open and flowing, alive with sexual energy, radiant with delight, and resplendent with the shine of love--you don't want to desecrate love's fullness in the
oinking barrage of men's psychic grabbing and groping. At work, for instance, you can circulate your energy fully in your body, but you know it would serve nobody to sexually hook men's attention.
Your energy remains full at work, and yet "hookless." Under your clothes, your genitals
remain relaxed and flushed with energy, your breasts still pulsing with your man's worship.
Your heart continues feeling outward, feeling all hearts and breathing your man, your
children, your colleagues at work--breathing everyone's heart.
Your body is moved by the grace of love's flow, with no need to be seen for your own sake, no need to hook men's attention, and yet no need to suppress the power of your attractive force. You simply carry on with your tasks at hand and continue breathing, feeling, and opening as love's light, without needing men to notice you.
At some point during your workday, you notice that you have become stressed. Your head is tight, your jaw tense, your breath shallow. You have spent the day making major decisions for your business, leading meetings, and catching up on your to-do list. Somewhere along the line, you lost connection with your heart. You began operating on automatic pilot as a masculine machine of purpose. You accomplished a lot, but your body and heart now feel tight and blocked.
So you go to a nearby park or sequester yourself in your office. Perhaps all you have
available to you is a stall in the women's rest room. Wherever you can be alone and unseen you stand still for a moment and relax. You imagine your lover's belly and chest pressed against the front of your body. You breathe more fully, inhaling in and exhaling out of your heart, your belly, your genitals, your legs, and even your toes.
You begin moving, swaying your hips, raising your arms, and allowing love's energy to flow more fully through your body. You spend a few minutes opening yourself to be filled by the moment's presence, offering yourself to be claimed and taken open by the fullness of now's intensity. You dance open and alive, intentionally inhaling-receiving and exhaling-giving love through every breath, in and out of every cell of your body while feeling all hearts. Your masculine edges begin to melt as you lovingly relax and round out, abundantly flowing with feminine aliveness and juice.
Every few hours during the workday you do a similar exercise. Sometimes you open your
heart and body more subtly during a meeting or while sitting in front of the computer. You know that however important your business is, if you lose touch with your heart's deepest yearning and your body's openness, then you are training your body to be unfeeling and tense. You are disconnecting from what is most important to you: love.
You know that you are as good as or better than any man at getting things done. You want to be successful and don't hesitate to achieve your goals with discipline and ferocity. But you do not reduce yourself to a functional machine of achievement.
You know that success is only worth achieving if love also flows fully in your heart, your
body, and your life. So, just as you support your man to stay connected with his depth, you do whatever practices re-connect you with your deep heart's yearning and energetic flow during an otherwise stressful workday.
Over time, you actually learn to breathe all beings in and out of your heart and dance love through your entire body during your day at work.
This process can take years to cultivate artfully, but soon you notice other people treating
you differently. Men and women are very attracted to your openness and radiance, but also very respectful of your depth. As you value your own deepest heart's yearning and breathe the hearts of all others, you attract honor, respect, and even worship from everyone. They can feel the indestructible power of your loving and the vulnerable openness of your heart.
Your body is alive with life and juicy with sex. Yet, you have no personal neediness to hook attention from random men--you are fully worshipped in sex and love by your chosen man at home, or claimed by divine love in your practice alone.
If men at work flirt with you, you have no need to flirt back. You say hello and smile, but you don't hook into their energy. Your eye contact is short and sweet. You know that to spend excessive time looking into their eyes or hugging them hello would be a compromise of your heart's depth and your body's fullness.
Even alone in the rest room stall or sitting at your desk, you are able to open, receive, and
be claimed so fully by the moment's divine presence that you almost always feel ravished;
the men at work can begin to seem like cardboard robots of sexual need in comparison to
the depth your heart requires. Your deep heart connects and breathes with their deep
heart, but you have no need to entangle sexual energies or flirt.
You decide to meet some of your close women friends for lunch. As you walk into the restaurant you are aware of eyes turning toward you. You breathe fully, inhaling and
exhaling the hearts of everyone in the restaurant. You feel their hearts, yet you do not energetically luxuriate in their attention. Your heart is open, your body relaxed, but your energy is not available for exploitation.
You understand that men constantly crave feminine energy, especially in safe forms that
don't demand depth. A man will pay to sit anonymously in a strip joint and watch women
dance. He is healed and enlivened by the liberally offered show of feminine pleasure and
unbridled energy--especially if he lacks the show of feminine pleasure in his intimate life,
either because he is single or his woman holds back her sexual devotion.
As you walk from the restaurant door to your seat, you can feel various men at different
stages watching you. 1st stage men are most numerous, and they regard you as a piece of
woman-meat to gobble, a potential sexual fantasy. Their worship of you is limited to their
lust for your body.
2nd stage men check you out not only for your looks but also for your vibe. They want a certain degree of sophistication, elegance, and independence. They also lust for a woman's body, but they find a woman's mind equally, if not more, alluring. They worship you as a whole person and check you out for the possibility of being their "partner."
Perhaps there are also a few 3rd stage men in the restaurant. Like all men, they worship the feminine, so they look at you too. They see your shapely form and feel sexual attractiveness, just like 1st stage men. They appreciate your elegance and intelligent
disposition, just like 2nd stage men. But they also feel through your body and mind to your heart's depth. They are turned on most fully by a heart of devotional depth surrendered to love.
A 3rd stage man worships the depth of your devotional yearning and the fullness of your
feminine love-light. Your heart's openness and radiance may shine through your body, the
way you move, the way you are dressed, and the eloquence of your voice. But a great looking woman who is smart does not fool a 3rd stage man. He knows death. His consciousness feels through the surface of appearances. He knows that all things, including your body and mind, are transient, passing, and brief. This entire world is always changing, and so he is rooted in deep consciousness, that which never changes.
From this place of eternal depth, he feels you. He can feel if you are needy of men's
attention. If you are playing games. If you are acting independent on the outside but full of lonely fear in your heart. His body may enjoy looking at yours and his mind may appreciate your intelligence, but that is not enough to move his heart in worship. His heart, his depth, his consciousness, worships feminine devotional openness--a woman who loves to be claimed by God's ravishment, a woman confident in her light's attractiveness, a woman who offers herself as a radiant blessing through which consciousness can worship and be worshipped.
A 3rd stage man feels whether your heart is worshipping consciousness--which is his heart's depth--or whether you are distracted in food, talk, and appearance. His heart--his consciousness--bows in worship of your heart's deep yearning and utter trust of love's
depth. Otherwise, if he doesn't feel your heart's devotional disposition, he returns to his
lunch, perhaps enlivened by your physical and intellectual charms, but not moved to worship your depth or to claim your heart and inhabit your life--if you both happened to be available to an intimate relationship.
You arrive at your table, fully aware that you have been inspected by every 1st, 2nd, and 3rd stage man, who lusted for, appreciated, or worshipped you as a divine appearance of
feminine love-radiance, depending on their depth and yours. And so have the women in the restaurant.
Every woman is checking out every other woman, gauging herself relative to the competition.
1st stage women compare body shape and youth. 2nd stage women compare success,
independence, and intelligence. 3rd stage women recognize and worship all women as human forms of the feminine divine, just as 3rd stage men do. They feel the depth of your heart's radiance, or its lack.
So, while young 1st stage women don't find your older body too much of a threat, and 2nd stage women attempt to position you in their worth-knowing categories, 3rd stage women feel how fully your temporary form is an expression of deep love and light.
Are your body and mind transparent to your heart's radiance and devotional yearning, showering the room with your gifts of blessing? Or are you afraid, self-conscious, or so wounded and confused that you have lost touch to some degree with your own heart's deepest desire and gifts?
3rd stage women move, feel, and breathe open as every being's heart--and so a 3rd stage
woman can easily feel your heart's openness or closure. Your breasts may be more or less
perky and your career more or less successful, but a 3rd stage woman can feel whether or
not your heart is claimed by love and offered as your deepest gift to all beings.
So as you sit down with your women friends, each feels you depending on whether she is in a 1st, 2nd, or 3rd stage moment. As you relax in your seat, you feel each of your friends' hearts. You feel their suffering and their love. You breathe your friends' pain and joy in and out of your heart, permeable to their yearning and their agony. You relax your body open and offer your friends your love-energy through touching them, laughing with them, speaking with them.
Your voice and words are a song for opening their hearts. Your movements are a dance for bringing light into their lives. Your laughter is a rejoicing in communion with the women you love. The 1st stage part of you might notice a friend's new diamond engagement ring and feel jealous. The 2nd stage part of you might feel envious of her career taking off because of the new book she recently published and the big ranch she purchased. But the 3rd stage part of you--your deep heart--never loses touch with her deep heart.
Your jealousy comes and goes--you notice the cute waiter's ass and his beautiful hands,
too--and still, your heart feels into everyone's heart, breathing in and receiving their love
and their suffering, offering them your heart's worship of their depth, without entangling
them in your envy or lust. You actively practice giving and receiving love from your heart's depth of openness, even though lesser and more superficial aspects of your body and mind are also vying for your attention and expression.
If you were single and available for a relationship, the 3rd stage men in the restaurant would notice your depth and strength of heart. Compared to the hurried, stressed, and selfworth-obsessed demeanor of most women, the confidence of your vulnerable and yearning heart shows through the openness of your body, eyes, and smile. And so does your untamed, undomesticated, unafraid energy.
A 3rd stage man would be able to feel that you are not afraid to destroy that which is less
than love. If you were single, your eyes might say, "I'm available." Your heart-disposition
might say, "I yearn to be worshipped and to give myself in devotion." But your energy also says, "And don't even try unless you are living true to your heart's deepest purpose,
offering your heart's deepest integrity, and you are fearless enough to stay present with
me--to ravish me--even when I am a wild slut or a crazed fiendess. Take me, if you dare. If you give me less than your true heart, I'll kill you."
A 3rd stage man would feel your demand for his depth of presence even while sitting in the restaurant from a distance, without talking with you or touching you. He would feel your heart's openness offered through your breath, voice, and motion, and he would feel your readiness to chop off his mediocre head should his consciousness remain shallow. He can feel you this way because you are offering devotion or chopping off his head right now, in the restaurant, simply through a momentary glance and exchange of brief eye contact.
He would also feel if you were not single. In relationship, your disposition would be one of unavailability to random exchanges of sexual energy. Your heart is already claimed by your man's deep worship, and a 3rd stage man in the restaurant would honor your heart's
commitment to your chosen man. He may internally bow in recognition of your heart's deep offering--he may be silently awed by the blessing power of your radiant form--but he will keep his distance in respect. At heart, you and he are breathing as one--you and everyone are breathing one at heart--and so his 1st and 2nd stage desires open in transparency to the one heart of love that breathes as all beings.
During lunch, you are bombarded with various 1st and 2nd stage pulls, hooks, and jabs. A
friend criticizes you, and another complains that you hurt her last week. A sleazy man walks to your table and tries to pick you up. The hunky waiter still entices you. Your food absorbs you, and you realize that your heart's love has been shallowed to the dessert melting in your mouth. Through all these moments, you do your best to practice opening your heart to feel and breathe everyone, relaxing your body open and offering your deepest heart through your entire being as a blessing of love's light to your friends and to all.
Your practice of heart-depth, love-offering, and exquisitely responsive energy is what
attracts a deep man and inspires all beings to open in the trust of love."